Wednesday, May 26, 2004
I’m going to write this down because if it’s in print, it must be true. My wife is pregnant. There I said it, it’s out there and now the process of acceptance of this reality can take place.
I won’t lie this isn’t a surprise. We’ve held caucuses about having a kid for months, the peace accord having been reached with both parties agreeing to the stoic trying, but not trying philosophy of an if it happens, it happens nature. Of course, when I agreed to such a solution, I never in a million years thought the proverbial bun would be placed in said oven with such efficiency.
Needless to say, the republic of Steve is shocked at this quick resolve, but quite proud of their soldiers’ ability to get in and get the job done is an extremely swift manner. But with this infiltration came the stark realization that army of Steve is way past the fail-safe point. I’m going to be a Dad sometime by the end of this year, a fact that excites, bewilders and scares the hell out of me.
See, I’m still wondering when the hell I grew-up. Sure I’ve been of legal drinking age for eight years now in physicality, but mentality, the 21-year-old version of me still controls a large part of my brain. Despite a concerted effort by the present tense me, that has built a solid career, bought a house in the suburbs and gotten married, the young naïve, know-it-all always looking for a good time me, still has control. But, this baby thing, well, the college boy hasn’t taken this news to well.
I suppose like any good student would do, I’ve taken to seeking out information on this pregnancy deal. And guess what, pretty much every book on the market pretty much comes with way too much information. Sure, they are all helpful in learning about the developing fetus; do men really need to know about increased flatulence, darkening nipples and leakage? I suppose my interest would be high if I were some sort of bizarre fetishist. Of course, I’m not, but medical questions aside, what about my own personal thoughts.
I’m going to have a baby to worry about, someone who I am totally responsible for and someone who is soon enough going to want to play with my videogames? I still love my Playstation 2, but there is no way I want my kid being raised by videogames.
And what about the internet? With the stories you hear about shady chat rooms with the pedophile workers. This will have to be regulated of course, but how to do it without be hypocritical? Heck, the internet was made for porn what if the spam for the latest porn sites popping up everyday. Perhaps I need to start lobbying for all porn sites to have to be registered as a “.sex” domain.
But what’s most worrisome of all is that I’ll be morphing into mini-van driving soccer dad before I know it. The 21-year-old version of me just puked.
Don’t get my wrong, my excitement for this baby is high, but I think I’ve got some things to work through from a selfish/foolish perspective. And I’ve got nine months to get it done.
I won’t lie this isn’t a surprise. We’ve held caucuses about having a kid for months, the peace accord having been reached with both parties agreeing to the stoic trying, but not trying philosophy of an if it happens, it happens nature. Of course, when I agreed to such a solution, I never in a million years thought the proverbial bun would be placed in said oven with such efficiency.
Needless to say, the republic of Steve is shocked at this quick resolve, but quite proud of their soldiers’ ability to get in and get the job done is an extremely swift manner. But with this infiltration came the stark realization that army of Steve is way past the fail-safe point. I’m going to be a Dad sometime by the end of this year, a fact that excites, bewilders and scares the hell out of me.
See, I’m still wondering when the hell I grew-up. Sure I’ve been of legal drinking age for eight years now in physicality, but mentality, the 21-year-old version of me still controls a large part of my brain. Despite a concerted effort by the present tense me, that has built a solid career, bought a house in the suburbs and gotten married, the young naïve, know-it-all always looking for a good time me, still has control. But, this baby thing, well, the college boy hasn’t taken this news to well.
I suppose like any good student would do, I’ve taken to seeking out information on this pregnancy deal. And guess what, pretty much every book on the market pretty much comes with way too much information. Sure, they are all helpful in learning about the developing fetus; do men really need to know about increased flatulence, darkening nipples and leakage? I suppose my interest would be high if I were some sort of bizarre fetishist. Of course, I’m not, but medical questions aside, what about my own personal thoughts.
I’m going to have a baby to worry about, someone who I am totally responsible for and someone who is soon enough going to want to play with my videogames? I still love my Playstation 2, but there is no way I want my kid being raised by videogames.
And what about the internet? With the stories you hear about shady chat rooms with the pedophile workers. This will have to be regulated of course, but how to do it without be hypocritical? Heck, the internet was made for porn what if the spam for the latest porn sites popping up everyday. Perhaps I need to start lobbying for all porn sites to have to be registered as a “.sex” domain.
But what’s most worrisome of all is that I’ll be morphing into mini-van driving soccer dad before I know it. The 21-year-old version of me just puked.
Don’t get my wrong, my excitement for this baby is high, but I think I’ve got some things to work through from a selfish/foolish perspective. And I’ve got nine months to get it done.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Smack dab in the middle of commencement season and I figured it would only be right to tip my mortar board to the thousands of college students around the area who will be receiving their sheepskins and heading off to the real world. So, congratulations and welcome to hell.
I miss college and its hallowed grounds chock full of students, fueled by click of mouse total information access, warped on personal beliefs that they are going to make a difference and change the world. Oh, to be young and naïve without a care or true responsibility filled to the brim with idealistic optimism. Makes
me...jealous.
Jealousy aside, what really gets me is listening to graduation bound students wish away their final semester proclaiming they are so happy to be done with
college. I only have one question, are you all insane?
Sure, I can remember and relate to what it was like to know nothing but school for the better part of 16 years of your life, but for the love of all that is holy, don‚t be so excited to be out. Because for all the excitement that comes with the opportunity to
finally apply your hard work and education in an actual job, the novelty will wear off fast. The nine-to-five world will get old fast and soon you'll be begging to have those days of all the adult freedoms with none of the responsibilities back.
College is the greatest ego-booster around. Sure you're paying them to learn and the workload can get treacherous, but if you make it through to graduation, you can walk out of it feeling like the world owes you everything. When I received my diploma I was hell-bent on staying true to myself and not compromising any of beliefs or dreams, which meant nothing more than avoiding the "real" world as long as physically
possible. It was a good year and half of bartending, traveling and, of course, partying, but eventually, reality sunk in. It was time to put my degree to work. So, off went the Birkenstocks and out came the neckties.
When I finally landed my first "real" job, I was resolute on retaining my individuality at all costs. But gradually, corporate life began to chip away the
chip on my shoulder and compromise became my modus operandi. I went from vowing to never wear a tie to vowing never to own a suit to owning a suit. It didn‚t take to long to deduce that it‚s pretty tough to assert your individuality in the gray corporate world,
especially as a young professional. It is more than enough to have you longing for the weekly thirsty Thursday night benders. But, I‚m starting to come full circle; at least trying to anyway.
Of course, that full circle has me a bit resentful, albeit more understanding of my place in life. I don‚t necessarily think that I want to go to be back in college, despite the part of me that still believe he is still 22, but I do think I can deliver at least
a bit of a message to recent grads. Enjoy what you have and by all means, don‚t be in a rush to grow-up so fast. There is plenty of time for that. Take the time now to explore and try things because you will only get the free pass right now. Soon, deadlines,
bosses and even more intense pressure than you had in college will rule your life. Don‚t get me wrong, career success balanced with a great family life have joys of their own, and while getting a great raise from doing an incredible job is a satisfying feeling, it still doesn't hold a candle to being able to pull three all-nighters in a row and still managing to remain your beer pong title.
I miss college and its hallowed grounds chock full of students, fueled by click of mouse total information access, warped on personal beliefs that they are going to make a difference and change the world. Oh, to be young and naïve without a care or true responsibility filled to the brim with idealistic optimism. Makes
me...jealous.
Jealousy aside, what really gets me is listening to graduation bound students wish away their final semester proclaiming they are so happy to be done with
college. I only have one question, are you all insane?
Sure, I can remember and relate to what it was like to know nothing but school for the better part of 16 years of your life, but for the love of all that is holy, don‚t be so excited to be out. Because for all the excitement that comes with the opportunity to
finally apply your hard work and education in an actual job, the novelty will wear off fast. The nine-to-five world will get old fast and soon you'll be begging to have those days of all the adult freedoms with none of the responsibilities back.
College is the greatest ego-booster around. Sure you're paying them to learn and the workload can get treacherous, but if you make it through to graduation, you can walk out of it feeling like the world owes you everything. When I received my diploma I was hell-bent on staying true to myself and not compromising any of beliefs or dreams, which meant nothing more than avoiding the "real" world as long as physically
possible. It was a good year and half of bartending, traveling and, of course, partying, but eventually, reality sunk in. It was time to put my degree to work. So, off went the Birkenstocks and out came the neckties.
When I finally landed my first "real" job, I was resolute on retaining my individuality at all costs. But gradually, corporate life began to chip away the
chip on my shoulder and compromise became my modus operandi. I went from vowing to never wear a tie to vowing never to own a suit to owning a suit. It didn‚t take to long to deduce that it‚s pretty tough to assert your individuality in the gray corporate world,
especially as a young professional. It is more than enough to have you longing for the weekly thirsty Thursday night benders. But, I‚m starting to come full circle; at least trying to anyway.
Of course, that full circle has me a bit resentful, albeit more understanding of my place in life. I don‚t necessarily think that I want to go to be back in college, despite the part of me that still believe he is still 22, but I do think I can deliver at least
a bit of a message to recent grads. Enjoy what you have and by all means, don‚t be in a rush to grow-up so fast. There is plenty of time for that. Take the time now to explore and try things because you will only get the free pass right now. Soon, deadlines,
bosses and even more intense pressure than you had in college will rule your life. Don‚t get me wrong, career success balanced with a great family life have joys of their own, and while getting a great raise from doing an incredible job is a satisfying feeling, it still doesn't hold a candle to being able to pull three all-nighters in a row and still managing to remain your beer pong title.
